She also hates babies, apparently.

No, she's not 'Exploring her environment',
she is screaming, and coming toward me.

In reading your baby rant, I recall many times in which I have been faced with that same issue. Of course, no one could accuse me of not liking babies - that would be unheard of.



A close friend of mine had a child three years back and ever since I've been plagued with her incessant praise of her God-child. I'll admit that he's pretty darn cute, and can be clever at times... but not on some Stephen Hawking-esque scale that's completely unachievable by the average youngster.

If you were to judge by the way she talks about him, you'd think he was Doogie frickin Howser. Not only that but she even makes comments about how huge the kid's dick is, of all things. As if her toddler being hung like a horse is some sort of parental accomplishment that deserves a trophy.

What on earth do you say to something like that? Congratulations?

On top of the inappropriate discussions and boringly redundant "baby dilemmas", we also have to deal with parents that are so utterly blind that their child can do no wrong.

This whole new aged crap about infinite positive regard and "positive ways to discipline your child" are driving me up the wall. My friend is practising these so-called techniques and you know what it's gotten her? A screaming, spoiled, handful of brattiness that can't be taken into polite society. Each and every time he does something wrong, she has a new excuse as to why he's acting up:

• he's tired. 
• he's hungry. 
• he needs more stimulation.
• he needs less stimulation. 
• he isn't feeling well.
• he's in a new place.
• blah blah blah, 

So a ton of excuses, coupled with new fandangled and frustratingly passive parenting, do nothing other than take control away from the parents and give it to the children.

Like "Redirection", a technique in which the parent is supposed to redirect the child's focus from what you don't want them doing, to what you do want them doing.

Redirection, huh?

Yeah... redirection my ass.

All that translates to is the parent running around constantly trying to play jester to a child that's getting into trouble. God forbid you actually tell your child "No" these days. I swear that in a few years some idiot is going to claim that telling your child "No" is a form of mental abuse or something.

Won't that be the day.

My family went on a trip together recently, and I made the mistake (that I'll never ever ever make again) of inviting my friend and her son on our family camping excursion. I don't even know how to describe it beyond  "Weekend From Hell".

According to my friend, it's perfectly normal for a three-year-old to have tantrums every half hour - shit, I could probably set my watch to it.

It must have confused my friend no end that my partner's kids, who were also on the trip weren't pitching a fit every 29.5 minutes. Only her little bundle of joy, which left us cringing every time we saw him get "that look" in his eyes.

I actually began to think the kid was possessed.

By the end of the weekend I was about to utilize my own particular brand of "positive discipline"... and it involved his butt and my open palm.

Which brings me to one more issue with these parents and the pain they inflict on us unwilling souls.

Hearing.

Do they not have any? Or have they just become so deaf to the screams of their own offspring that they no longer care?

How many times have you sat at a restaurant, or a movie theater, shopped at a store, or been amongst any other civilized gathering of people and had it rudely interrupted by some caterwauling child? And what, on average, is the parents response to this ruckus? Nothing... not even a flinch or gesture of acknowledgement that the fruit of their loins has began a nerve-grating tirade that would wake a graveyard.

Well guess what? I'm not the one who forgot the condom, so why in the hell should I be exposed to either your inadequacies as a parent or your latest-half-assed-self-help-parenting-book child rearing techniques?

Eva Ramirez is an eclectic writer, avid reader,
and natural health advocate from California
who spends her off hours with her brain-mouth
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